Negative self-talk. Ohhh negative self-talk. It’s the inner dialogue we have criticizing ourselves that may prevent us from reaching our own capabilities. Essentially, we’re our own worst enemies with negative self-talk holding us back. “Ugh WHY did I say that?” “I sounded so stupid!” “Why can’t I get it right” “Is that project good enough?” “I’m not ACTUALLY smart”. Sound familiar?
We all have it. Various research shows that negative self-talk is more prevalent amongst women than men. Instead of completely denying it, perhaps we can learn to manage it. Also, perhaps if we all open up about what’s under the hoods of our minds, we can realize that we’re not all that different in this sense.
In severe cases, negative self-talk can be debilitating. Never being satisfied, always feeling unsettled, an undercurrent of unease and unfulfillment. I don’t think anyone wants to live like that yet we each have those demons looming over us with some days being more prevalent than others.
On a recent Every Irene Global eLearn with Chiara Condi, founder of Led By HER discussed the deep-rooted social conditioning women all over the world have had that we’re not good enough. You can see that as unfair and get angry and upset about it. On the contrary, I see that as liberating. Follow me here…
Think about it, so if generally everyone has this I’m not good enough and related negative self-talk circling around in their head. Then, those aren’t actually MY thoughts. Right? If everyone has negative self-talk then I don’t own those thoughts, they are not my unique, personal identity.
Let that soak in.
You are not those thoughts.
Say it with me now… “I am not those thoughts!”
Catching myself whenever I have negative self-talk moments and reminding myself that I am not these thoughts really helps me stop feeding those demons.
Sure, there is so much work our society as a whole needs to do to really achieve gender equality. But part of the fun in achieving any massive goal like that is the process! We’re living in such an exciting time with innovations at our fingertips that we can connect across the world, share information, and build each other up. If we as a global society are to achieve equality, we all need to start doing our tiny parts.
We need to start minding what’s on your mind aka managing our negative self-talk and stop beating ourselves up. Think of this as your duty, my sister from another mister, reading this! If you can’t stop beating yourself up for you, stop beating yourself up for others and think of it as breaking the generational chain of the oppression of women.
You are good enough.
You are not your negative self-talk thoughts.
So stop beating yourself up.
EVERY IRENE is an international community to elevate women and their allies. What’s a tactic you use to manage your negative self-talk? Comment below. Who knows… sharing your story may be EXACTLY what someone in our Every Irene community needed to hear today.